Please Hammer don’t hurt ‘em!

Who could forget Hammer Pants, these were everything in hip-hop fashion in the early 90′s, and yes, ‘Hammer Pants’ is a proper noun. Back in the late 80′s / early 90′s, ‘more’ really was ‘more’, so the more fabric in your pants the cooler you were. It was simple mathematics.

These people like Hammer Pants too much

And this idiot thinks Hammer Pants are back in style

Slap bracelets were so cool when I was a kid. That is until schools banned them for killing people. It had something to do with the super-awesome slap action, which could cut kids’ wrists (sissies).

I took apart one of my slap bracelets once, and it was just a tape measure in a cloth casing. If kids can’t handle that, I’d chock it up to simple Darwinism.

Trucker hats were all the rage among hipsters in the early 2000′s. If there’s one thing hipsters love doing, it’s spending their trust funds to look poor / homeless. “Trailer-park chic” as it was called.

However these days I tend to only see trucker caps on middle aged / suburban people. What does that mean? Up to 88!

Denim shirts got up to 88 a long ass time ago, and they’re never coming back.

Printed Hoodies have been in the suburbs for a while, UP TO 88!

It’s official: shutter shades are gone (sorry Kanye and Paris). I’m not sure they were ever really around, but I saw them being sold at a kiosk in a mall a few weeks ago.

Shutter shades have hit the suburbs, which means they have definitely gotten up to 88.