Archive for April, 2010

Nickelodeon Guts

Friday, April 30th, 2010

Do you have it? Duh duh duh do you have it?

Guts was a sports show on Nickelodeon that was basically American Gladiators for kids.

But the best part about this show was watching a boy get the snot beat out of him by a little girl. A lot of times there’d be a big age gap, so you’d see an older girl totally emasculate a younger boy. But it wasn’t always an age gap, some of the kids were just sissies.

If you really proved your worth on Guts, you got to take home the best prize of all: A PIECE OF THE AGGRO CRAG!

Guts winner with a piece of the Aggro Crag

Furbies

Friday, April 30th, 2010

Remember Furbies? Riding on the tail of Beanie Babies, Furbies peaked in popularity sometime around 1998, then were never to be seen again. It had something to do with them being stupid.

Furbies were little furry robots that would talk to you, or rather would speak a language called “furbish” which was a bunch of cutesy grunts and baby-talk.

Funny story: some people believed that Furbies had the ability to learn (not unlike The Terminator). Although these rumors were completely untrue, several intelligence agencies banned Furbies from their offices for security reasons.

Watch a Furby commercial

Watch two Furbies talk to each other (a “confurbsation”)

Tony Little

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

Tony Little was pretty intense. He invented the Gazelle, an elliptical-type workout machine, and then proceeded to make a ton of commercials and workout videos.

Another thing I’m sure you’ve noticed about Tony is his amazing sense of style. Does he look like he’s from Florida to you too? I’m not really sure what I’m basing that on.

Watch a Tony Little commercial

I knew Tony Little was “up to 88″ once he started making ironic commercials for Geico:

Watch Tony’s Geico commercial

Beverly Hills 90210

Monday, April 26th, 2010

90210 pretty much hit the nail on the head when it came to attending high school in the 90′s. You had Steve the date-rapist, Kelly the slut, Dillon the tweaker, Andrea the nerd, and then a bunch of boring people you’d forget about.

The one thing that always annoyed me was how Aaron Spelling cast his daughter Tori as Donna, the super-nice girl who never did anything wrong. I remember when she finally lost her virginity with David. There were enough tea lights to say “we’re not ‘f*cking’ we’re ‘making love’”.

Peach Pit 4 Life!!!!!

Looking back on 90210, I think the weirdest thing that ever happened was a guest appearance from The Flaming Lips.

In 2008 CBS launched a reboot of 90210, and now the main 90210 entry in Wikipedia points to the new version of the show. What horseshit right? There’s no way a P.O.S. show like that could ever bring this 90′s classic ‘back from 88′.

Bubble Tape

Monday, April 26th, 2010

Bubble tape was the pretty much the best thing ever when I was a kid, since it meant you could stuff as much gum in your mouth as possible. Sure you could have done this with a bunch of sticks of normal gum, but it’s just not the same.

I think it was supposed to be like a tape measure of gum, which makes sense because all the tape measures in the 90s were being used to make slap bracelets.